I am really feelin’ this guy right now. This is sort of the response I’d like to give to a lot of the stuff happening in my life right now. Argh! At first I thought he’d look better with a bite out of him, but then I decided that Sprinkles would never let anyone get close enough for that.

If for some reason you wanted this as an iPhone wallpaper (for when you’re feeling angry), you can download it here!

A long time ago, I worked 2 brief months at Value Village (Savers for you American and Australian folk). This was time long enough to a) save up enough money for a digital camera (and subsequently get ripped off at Don’s Photo, but I digress) and; b) quit. I was thinking about it the other night and thought for some reason others might be interested in some strange facts about the company and the experiences I had there.

1) The clothes at Value Village (hereafter referred to as VV) are NOT washed in the store. Sure, most people wash the clothes before they give them away, but a looooot of people don’t. Do not rely on this when buying clothes there. The smell of the stores alone should alert people to this fact but yet, whenever I tell people I worked there, it’s always the first question people ask. I usually respond with a blank look and ask them if they’ve ever seen the “20,000 new items added daily” signs and ask them if they think there is 100 washing machines in the back.

2) The unseen mascot for VV is a box of junk known as ‘Otis (the OK)’. The box of junk is referred to as an OK as it is the unit of measurement that VV receives donations in and pays the charities based on it. ‘Otis’ is actually kind of cute, but seriously, what the hell?

3) In the same vein as 2), regarding the charities VV works with, a common assumption is that out of the money you spend there, a portion goes to charity. As far as I know, this is incorrect. VV only pays the charity for the box of donations received (when the charity picks it up and delivers it) by the amount of and weight of the box(es). A box full of precious jewels and a box full of dirty underwear will net the charity the same amount from VV. If you want the money you spend at a thrift store to go to charity, shop at Goodwill or the Salvation Army.

4) For the VV price tag switchers: There’s actually a code (coded numerically to the words “BIG VALUES”) written on the clothing labels in an effort to thwart you. Most cashiers, however, are too lazy to check this, so you will probably get away with it if you don’t get greedy.

5) When you first start working there, your training will partially consist of being locked in a small closet with dust bunnies and a computer. The computer training program was relatively well done (for the year 2000) but appeared to be aimed at 7 year olds and featured games and ‘Otis’ doing a rap. About junk. Beatboxing included.

6) Your biggest trial as an employee at VV will be trying to get out of your turn to organize the Men’s Underwear aisle at the end of the evening. Eventually, you will fail and find the XXXL men’s briefs with the crotch ripped out. And despite your best efforts not to touch anything, you will totally accidentally touch it.

7) Everyone who works with you and shops there will be ‘colourful’ characters, to say the least. Expect to be covered in angry old person spittle if you forget to apply Tuesday’s Senior Citizen’s Discount.

8 ) Speaking of characters, there was a guy, perhaps named Eric (though maybe not, I didn’t pay much attention), working there. I was speaking with him in the break room once and he was telling me about his attempts to curb the amount of times he used “like” in his day-to-day speech. I thought there were other problems he should focus on solving first, such as the fact that he worked at Value Village.

9) On my second day working there, a female employee introduced herself to me:

N: “Hi, I’m Nhu.”
ME (thinking “Great, we have something in common!”): “Oh, I’m new too! I just started working here yesterday!”
N: “No. That’s my name.”

We never spoke to each other again.

10) The Jeans aisle is the bane of an employee’s existence. The hangers are so cheap that any slight breeze or cough will knock one pair onto the floor and the rest of the pairs will fall like dominos. Once there was a pile of jeans on the floor about as tall as I am and I’m pretty small children were making a fort in there.

11) One time, I saw two elderly women fighting over a gilded frame, black velvet and backlit picture of Jesus. True story.

First, let it be said that Boyfriend Nik and I had a great time on Saturday at the Weakerthans show at the Burt. According to a friend of ours, they were shooting material for a dvd release and I’m certain they got some really great material as it was just an awesome show. I  feel like I enjoy them more and more every time I see them. If you haven’t heard of them (meaning you’re probably not from Winnipeg), give the video above a watch/listen to. Tournament of Hearts, it’s one damn poignant curling song.

However, although the Constantines are a fine band, I found myself getting bored during their opening set and started drifting off. I’ve found that in these situations, where talking to my boyfriend would be a bit rude, I like to invent little games in my head to play. Saturday’s game was “Count the Plaids”. Now, I love plaid, and own a few shirts of my own. But as I looked down at the crowd at the front of the theatre, I couldn’t help but imagine the crowd shots on the Weakerthans dvd as just being a sea of plaid. Probably about half the audience on the floor, men and women, was wearing plaid or some kind of plaid-variant. It was a bit freaky.

The whole thing with the plaid reminded me of my previous hipster-counting game, “Count the Unnecessary Scarves” and prior to that, “Count the Skinny Jeans Paired with Ballet Flats”. And I started thinking that you can spot fashion trends that are exclusive to certain musical genres at just about any concert you go to. I’ll post some examples here and maybe some folks can help me fill in the list in the comments.

• Toby Keith (Country) – Mullets, nah, too easy. Try looking for NASCAR or “9-11, Never Forget” gear.
• Britney Spears (Pop) – Count the number of bangles on girls’ wrists, then work out the average BPG (Bangles Per Girl).
• 50 Cent (rap variants… no, Kanye is NOT rap, he’s barely pop at this point) – Figure out the average difference between the size of jeans people are wearing versus the size they actually should be wearing. Note the inverse relationship between the mens’ and womens’ sizes (too big vs. too small).
• Broken Social Scene (indie) – Besides the plaid game above, you can also count the number of girls with side-swept bangs and unkempt hair. Also, the number of guys with poorly grown facial hair.
• Nickelback (crap-rock) – You should never be at a Nickelback show. There’s no acceptable reason for that.

Okay, now you do some!

Man, I get a major kick out of bad tattoos. The “lolcats” format of the site isn’t really my thing, but they are showcasing some amazingly heinous tattoos over at LOLTATZ. I just cannot believe the things people want on their body. Forever. Luckily these people have decided to document their mistakes and post them on the internet for the rest of us to have fun with. Forewarned is forearmed: some of the tattoos are definitely NSFW. Otherwise, hit up the site and enjoy!

For more fun at others’ permanent expense, Fashion SWAT at Somethingawful.com did a great sendup of some bad tattoos some years back. Check them out too, if you’ve got the time.

Or ‘Why I didn’t post anything this weekend…’

Well, aside from it being a lovely, long, 4-day Easterstravaganza weekend here in the House of Sam, I’ve been spending a little quality time with the Wii again. After hooking up the Time Capsule (thanks to Boyfriend Nik for the happy gift!), we’ve been getting a much faster, stronger, altogether good-er internet connection for the compys and Wii. This has enabled me to download the first 3 titles in the series of Strong Bad’s Cool Game(s) for Attractive People.

Now, I was kind of over the old homestarrunner.com for a while there, hadn’t really checked the site out in a while. But I still hold a fondness for the characters (who doesn’t say “Great Jorb” now and then?) and am still pretty amused by the Teen Girl Squad when I manage to check it out too. Plus, Strong Bad is one of my heroes (behind Bender from Futurama, of course).  And when I heard they had developed some episodes/games for Wiiware that you can download via the console (at a rate of about $10 USD per game), I had to try them out.

So I downloaded the first game and I was hooked! I should say, if you’re more of an action game fan, these are not really for you, since the episodes are more of the “walkin’ around, talkin’ to people’, doin’ stuff” variety. However, that style is exactly my cup of tea. I’m kind of a lazy gamer, I don’t like to get too caught up in games, and admittedly I just give up if it takes me too long to figure something out. It’s not that I’m like that in real life, but to spend too much time on a game – for a busy person like me – is a bit wasteful.

I finished the first game fairly quickly (for me), and downloaded the next two. I’m currently in the middle of the second episode, Strong Badia the Free, and it’s pretty good. I would say I get at least four or more hours of enjoyment out of each game, which is a pretty good value for ten bucks. Also, the dialogue is quite funny, if you like Strong Bad cartoons anyway, and there are some good mini-games and missions involved as well. I still haven’t quite gotten the hang of getting the most laughs out of the Teen Girl Squad comic games yet, I’m hoping to eventually get my comic timing right!

All in all though, I’d recommend these games to anyone who gets a kick out of the Homestar Runner franchise and likes the more old-school, story-based gaming style (think Zak McKracken). They’re fun, funny, and good bang for your buck.

So today I made one of my occasional jaunts into Chinatown at lunch. Always an adventure, even in Winnipeg’s smaller locale.  I ventured into one of the groceries in the hopes of finding my favourite type of Pretz (pizza). While I’m not sure if I found the exact same kind- the box graphics have changed somewhat- I did find a whole slew of tasty-looking flavours to try, along with a couple new (to me) Pocky flavours.

So let’s review them, why don’t we?

I’ve enlisted the help of Boyfriend Nik in the tasting process, to identify all the unique flavours (most involve cheese though). Our !LIVE! commentary is below, we started with Pretz (basically a flavoured pretzel/wheat stick kind of thang):

BAKERY FLAT STYLE

SAM: I think these are supposed to be deli-style? There’s a sub sandwich of some sort on the box. Also of note,  this kind contains “bacon extract”.
NIK: I think that’s just grease.
SAM: Touché. Thoughts on the taste?
NIK: Hint of lunch meats… sodium… kind of smoky.
SAM: I like it actually, must be the bacon extract.

BEER PRETZ

SAM: I can’t figure out from the package if these are beer-flavoured or if they are meant to go with beer. +1 point for the flames on the box though, super cool! Number one!
NIK: Smells peppery. Definitely meant to go with beer… but not beer flavoured.
SAM: Not as good as the bacon ones. Not bad though. 

CHICKEN PRETZ

SAM: This one gets extra awesome points from me, just for the sweaty cartoon chicken on the box.
NIK: Ugh, this is the worst one. And I love chicken.
SAM: Tastes like… dipping a butter coated pretzel into a pack of chicken stock from a container of Minute Noodles. Gross. I can’t believe that cool chicken let us down. Jerk.

PIZZA PRETZ

SAM: This appears to be part of the “Meets Wine” line of Pretz. Which, is fancy Pretz, I guess?
NIK: This… has the aftertaste of raw dough. Not good, not good.
SAM: And with a vague tomato sauce aftertaste, oh no. No. Giant no….. Not the Pizza Pretz I remembered. Just… no. *spit*

MOZZARELLA PRETZ

SAM: Number two in the “Meets Wine” category… man, these have just been declining as we go on. I thought the “fancy” Pretz would be the best. I’m paying for my assumptions, that’s for certain.
NIK: This is okay, mostly because the taste isn’t too strong.
SAM: Yeah, it’s actually just more buttery tasting than anything else. Which is good because the Pizza Pretz is still kind of raping my tastebuds as we speak.

Okay, well, I think the clear winner is the Bakery/Deli Pretz. Look for the Pretz with the sandwich on the box!  At least we can now cleanse our palettes with some Pocky.

For those not in the know, Pocky is basically just a simple breadstick coated in a creamy flavoured coating. Chocolate and Strawberry are the most common flavours. Here we go!

ORANGE/MANDARIN POCKY

SAM: Nice packaging. Smells very, very good and citrusy. Especially since pretty much everything I bought from that grocery kind of smells like prawn crackers.
NIK: Yeah, cool vellum packs on the inside. This tastes excellent, I would buy this.
SAM: For sure, it’s like a Creamsicle. Delightful. Way better than the usual strawberry flavoured ones. I thought this one was going to be bad when I bought. Apparently my Pocky-flavour estimating abilities are not quite up to par.

WHITE CHOCOLATE “DESSERT” POCKY

SAM: I love the super elegant cover of this one. Ooh la la, what a decadent dessert! Put these ones out for your guests!
NIK: Quite nice. Uh-oh, bad aftertaste though.
SAM: Yeah, it’s a bit coffee-ish in flavour, maybe that’s what you’re tasting? I’m not getting that. Just looked at the ingredients, and I think it’s the “chestnut powder” that I’m tasting. Still pretty decent though.

Winner: Mandarin Pocky, though there are many, many other delicious flavours to try. One of my favourites is Green Tea, though it unfortunately was not available at the grocery I went to today.

Thus ends my adventures in Asian Grocery food tasting for today. Perhaps I should make this a regular thing. Next time I’ll pick up some less mainstream stuff. Thanks to Boyfriend Nik for his help!

I have a confession to make: I’m addicted to television. Not in the traditional sense however, or even in the becoming-traditional sense of downloading shows or watching them online. No, I spend hours a week reading synopses and recaps of any show I deem too stupid to spend time watching, but not stupid enough to not know about and make fun of.

Now my reasons for reading television are fairly numerous. I am a rather avid reader, I will read pretty much anything I can get my hands on and having constant access to recaps for all sorts of shows (many of which aren’t currently showing in my neck of the woods) is great for me. I can read the recaps anywhere, anytime, without disrupting anyone with background noise. I can start and stop reading them whenever I please.

The best part though, is that due to the fairly rapid decline in quality of most television programs, recaps are usually funnier and more entertaining then the shows themselves. And there’s nothing like taking the piss out of shows that are already bordering on parodies of themselves (let’s say America’s Next Top Model or Rock of Love).

Recaps seem to be becoming more and more commonplace around these ol’ internets. My absolute favourites are located at Televisionwithoutpity.com, definitely home to some of the most witty and clever writers out there. I also appreciate Rich Juzwiak’s mad gif-making skills and acerbic take on ANTM at FourFour (he also writes for VH1′s blog). And when I feel like slummin’ it, I check out TVgasm for screencaps and sarcasm (I mean no disrespect to the writers, but the site’s terrible layout drives me up the wall).

Fear not, I still read plenty of traditional novels, and I occasionally make the time to actually watch tv (although this is more rare). And for those who don’t believe me about the humour in some of these recaps, I bring you a quote from a recent recap of Rock of Love Bus posted on TWOP (by the brilliant Potes, my favourite recapper):

“Mindy tells us that Beverly is in love with the idea of being in love with a rock star. This is disheartening to Mindy, because she’s retarded. She’s really falling for Bret, and feels like there’s a great possibility that she’ll be hurt. She comes out wearing a train conductor hat and weeping, like Thomas the Skank Engine. Jamie says that Mindy is in her own little soap opera, and is cracking in front of our eyes. Her mascara and fake tan stay in place, though. Impressive.”

If calling someone “Thomas the Skank Engine” doesn’t crack you up, well I think I just don’t know you anymore. Plus, it’s far less embarrassing then admitting to someone that you actually WATCH Rock of Love, right?